Children do not know we love them?

My Mother came to visit the weekend of Halloween. While she was here she shared a new book she had bought. Question your Thinking, Change the World" by Bryon Katie. Katie talks in her book about what she calls "The Work". I won't explain all this here but I do however believe everyone should own a copy of this book!

So one thing we do while doing "The Work" is not always tell people how we think or feel to every little thing. That when someone says "Man that just hurt my feelings" we are to say something a long the lines of "Well I can see how that would feel that way to you, what can I do to help you?"

Last monday morning my oldest daughter Cadence was on the computer like normal while I was cooking breakfast. I kept stopping what I was doing to look at her and say "I love you too; honey". This went on for 10 minutes so I said "alright Katie lets do this." I walked over to Cadence and asked her "do you say I love you because you want me to hear this, or do you say it to me so you can hear it back?" To my surprise she stated she wanted to hear it back. "Honey, do you know I love you even if you don't hear it?" she shook her head NO...

My next step was big, it was the best step I had ever taken and it changed our relationship right then in there.

"Well Cadence, I can see how you would think that I don't love you. With all the yelling, my not telling you thank you enough, not telling you that your doing a great job all the time. I will do better with that, is there anything I can do for you to help?" Now this 6 year old looked in my eyes and smiled with the words "Nope you just told me what you're going to fix." LOL is all I could do and still do. When I walked away I felt so complete, knowing that the love that I do have for this wonderful person is coming across in every way.

I have taken the steps to use this daily with them and it has worked so much. Cadence didn't want to pick up toys she wanted to lay on the floor. Caitlin was picking up and Cadence was crying about that too. I explained to Cadence that what Caitlin was doing was Caitlin's business and that she really didn't want to help clean, she wanted to lay on the floor. I told her if your going to lay on the floor, don't cry about it enjoy it, love being on the floor, be the best at laying on the floor. I told her the moment she is laying on the floor and doesn't want to do that she needs to get up and do what her body wants her to do, that when we don't it doesn't make us happy to see we aren't doing what we want to do.

That child got up and started helping her sister :) We just have to talk, we just have to love, and we just have to say how do I want to be spoken to.