Finding common ground

Most parents have trouble finding common ground for their thoughts and those of their childrens. When parents today stop listening to the loudness of the daily elements and go within to listen to the quite communication with themselves and their children they can begin to get that common ground.

Parents have many shifts in what they want in life just as parents do. Like myself; one day I want to go to school, one day I want to keep the part time job I have, and then the next I want a full time job with attending school part time. We all do this our children are no different! My shift today is that I want to do everything in life, that there isn't anything I can't do. I want to work for a company, I want to help others, I want to attend school for psychology, and I want my own business. I know I am a leader but I also know I am a leader who will change the direction of my travels almost daily and I know I need balance. Do you have the same balance needs? Do you feel yourself being superwoman one day and a slug the next? Then read on...

Go with the flow allow what is to be just to BE and that will not only provide the happiness you desire but the happiness your children desire as well. You make many choices in life and most you believe you're doing for your children or your family only, but the fact of the matter is that you must have a drive for selfish reasons as well or what ever the desire is will never materialize for you. What does it matter what people think about you? How could you ever be strong if all you did was worry about how others viewed you?

Think back to when you were young and in your alone times; was what you wanted in life yours or your families desire for you? Now think about all you want now out of life; are they yours or those of others around you? Many parents can't find a common ground in this either they have lost the way on the road to life, one exit sign to another all just became a big blur and now the one and only exit sign on the road is the one to easy street. No thought is original we (Parents) all think alike even though we were raised different, we all have this idea of what we want for our children and most of us have no idea of what we want for ourselves.

You can strip away this limiting belief of no common ground to stand on, the limiting belief that the children can and must come first. This is all up to you, every bit of your life is in your control. Are you in the driver seat?

If you are ready to be your driver in life follow the links below if you want local or over the phone there is still a map to life waiting just for you!
www.highermindlowermind.com
www.thedancewithchildren.weebly.com

Life in the grind of things

When you have children it's sometimes hard to remember that you were that age too once. Children remind us each day where we come from and when we really enjoy that moment we can learn and grow in so many new ways.

Children have melt downs we all know that, it's how we handle them that makes us strong or not so strong. Tonight Cadence was hitting and yelling and even crying about things I never said to her. I did raise my voice to her in the heat of things and boy did my throat pay the price! I knew better, I've been sick for a week and my throat is still not even close to 70% better at the moment.

But when I just chose not to yell anymore and let my word be the last word in a calm and quite way I was able to keep the peace within myself. Did it keep my children at peace? No way they still wanted TV, they still wanted to cry but when I remembered just let them have their fits that it wasn't doing me any harm or them I completely feel at peace.

Our children communicate to us in a number of ways and yelling and crying is just one of those ways. We yell and cry all the time just not in the way our children do! Now as I was thinking of my 7-step process to do here my children started to get calmer and calmer and when I got to my spirit statement both were asleep and no longer yelling out of their room. Please see the process below to see how you can begin to apply this easy new way of thinking into YOUR lives not just for you but for the whole family.

HMLM Process:
Cadence is yelling and not listening to anything I am telling her
This makes me feel angry
I think that it would just be easier if she would just calm down and listen
I gain frustration
and lose peace

Belief Statement:
Cadence is yelling and not listening to anything I am telling her, which makes me angry. I think that it would just be easier if she would calm down. I gain frustration and lose peace.

Spirit statement:
Cadence is calm and listening, I am at peace and this is easy. I gain calm and peace.

How our children help us move on

Yesterday I had moments of break downs, I had to get my car home that I left at work Thursday morning the entire drive home I didn't want to go back. I knew I was going to walk through the door of a house that would no longer have Reno dancing in excitement that I was home. I also had to bring groceries in that I knew she wouldn't be getting into, or standing by my feet so I would have to walk around her just to put the food up.

I made supper for everyone and instead of eating with them I ate bread, I picked the crust off like I had done many times before and went to toss it to the door way where I just knew Reno would be but this time she wasn't this time I had no one to toss my crust to. "Breathe babe it will be OK" I heard as I swallowed my tears thinking no one would see me. It was Todd giving his love to me and I could feel every bit of it from him. Reno has rekindled our love for each other in so many wonderful ways, no words could ever express this enough.

So I get it together I tell the kids it's time for a bath and I take them upstairs. While washing Cadences hair she tells me that she misses her long hair so bad she just wanted it back and why couldn't she get it back. All the words I told her were all the words I needed to hear myself. "Cadence honey I know you miss it and with time it will grow back." Time? How funny that's what I need time, my heart will grow back in time just like Cadences hair would. "Honey missing it makes it sweeter to have it, doesn't it?" Wow how true this was for me too, by missing Reno I was now able to see how deep I loved her, Reno gave that to me she showed me back all the love I ever gave her over the years by her sweet memories.

Cadence was only telling me how she felt about her hair but I was also able to learn and grow from this small conversation. It is the small conversations that we learn the most in and on this day I sit knowing that all small conversations with me are the biggest gifts I could ever receive.

Saying Good-Bye

So I was thinking about what I would blog about today and I will just write about my day.....

I couldn't sleep lastnight waking several hours at a time. I woke this morning not feeling right, I couldn't explain it but my body hurt all over. I drove on into work anyway, only to find that I fell asleep at the wheel. I don't remember what happened before or really much after. I wasn't hurt and the car was just stopped in a grassy area by cows. I was lucky and the car wasn't damaged either. So I get to work pail and shaking, I could hardly walk, my lower back wanted my legs to give out. I got my boss before I even clocked in to get someone for help. The only vital that was off that the nurse at work could see was a pulse rate of 140 but nothing just popped out to them to what was going on.

My sweet boss drove me home where I was waiting for a call back from the Onaga clinic in bed not wanting to move. I had this sharp pain shoot across my chest then the phone rang, shortly after Todd came up and told me that we would have to let Reno go today or she would have to wait longer and be in pain that much longer. I couldn't do that, we couldn't do that we knew it was time. God gave us one more day with her and that was such a blessing to all of us!!!!

We had to wait an hour before the vet came to the house. With Reno's condition she wasn't able to be transported and because I left my car at work we just had to have her home there was no way we were getting her into the truck. The time came and went, I truly thought I would be so strong that this would be ok and that I could handle this. I held her in my arms and was hugging her while saying goodbye. What happened next was a moment I will NEVER forget, as I cry as I can't believe what I just did I felt my dog my first child leave and a peace came over my heart like no other. This peace didn't stop me from crying or hurting but more like Reno smiling down on me that she was ok and would go play forever now!

Reno told me this morning I needed to be home, I didn't listen and left and Reno brought me home just in time to be with her.

We say God isn't here well he was in this house today and scooped Reno up and took her home!!! I can't think of a better place or person to care for such a beautiful being!

Life and Death

Today as my husband and I placed a call into the Vet clinic our hearts ache of the loss of our first child that will soon come. God has given us more time with Reno and in this moment we will not morn her but bless her, we will not cry we will laugh and smile at her.

When talking with Cadence about Reno she has such a great understanding of compassion for life. I know she has so much to teach me! She stated that Reno is in pain and that's not fun, that her grandmothers dog really needs Reno in heaven with her. Cadence has missed her grandmothers dog and in a moment I saw a comfort come over her to know that Reno would soon join her.

It's a hard thing to know that I have such an attachment to physical life and yet I have a 6 year old to show me that all living things passed or living always are in our hearts. Cadence tells me she hears and talks back to her Great Grandmother that passed away two years ago now and I know this has helped with the process of her no longer being on Earth with us for her. Cadence has such an old soul and is so wise for her age.

Cadence told me that she would kiss and hug Reno daily to let her know but that Reno already knew all of that. Reno has been with us for 10 years and I have been so blessed to have her in my life, when things were hard for me personally I always had Reno there in my lap being 110 pounds she didn't care. I remember when she was 120 pounds or more I had a miscarriage and was crying heavy in my pillow that wonderful being jumped on the bed beside me put her head on my back and began to lick my neck. This was her way and it was a wonderful way.

I know my blog is to be about the dance we have with children. But today it is about the dance I have with Reno who is my very first child and the first thing Todd and I did as a couple. This dance, this moment is so prefect in every way I wouldn't ask for anything more or less!!!

Love you baby girl I will not morn you today for today I have YOU!

Breathe and it will all work out.

This morning started just the same as all the others before it. I called for the girls to come down stairs and get ready for school. Cadence needed more time in bed "I want 10 more minutes" she is already heading for her teen years with that statement. Caitlin was a rocket getting up, however when she got down stairs she didn't want to get ready AT ALL. I just had to breath while my 3 year old was yelling "I am not getting ready!" So I breathe again I close my eyes and I don't respond back to her yet.

I tell myself "Breathe, it will all work out. Breathe, this moment will pass. Breathe, and center. So I do this for a good 5 minutes while my 3 year old pitches the perfect fit. I hold the thought "this is not my day, this is a moment that I will enjoy for now but it will pass as all moments do." That thought was a great clear message to God that hey I am here and I know that, I hear and see my daughter and I can enjoy it because it IS WHAT IS at this very moment. Caitlin now sits up, drying her eyes and wiping her nose says "can you get me dressed now?"

Caitlin told me what I needed to do in this new moment. In this new moment I am to get her dressed I know that because she just told me. The moment before this I was to breath and reconnect myself, I know that because Caitlin told me that as well. When we are able to stop and look at our children as guides of how we feel inside ourselves not only do we help ourselves reconnect but we get a healthy relationship with our children. Before all this I didn't know I woke up off balance but before my day could start and I could do any damage Caitlin showed me my balance and showed me my way back HOME.

I didn't choose a path of yelling back. Wow it could have looked like this: both of us yelling one over the other back and forth, louder and louder. Cadence would have been throw off to having a loud yelling day, Todd would have woken up to yelling and have that set his day. Caitlin would have gone to school full of tears and completely upset with me. I would have sent both girls out the door mad, because that MAD feeling would have been the tone and Cadence would have received the message too.

I am glad I choose my moment. I am glad I listened and I am joyful both daughters are having a wonderful day today. Just breathe and it will all work out!

Children do not know we love them?

My Mother came to visit the weekend of Halloween. While she was here she shared a new book she had bought. Question your Thinking, Change the World" by Bryon Katie. Katie talks in her book about what she calls "The Work". I won't explain all this here but I do however believe everyone should own a copy of this book!

So one thing we do while doing "The Work" is not always tell people how we think or feel to every little thing. That when someone says "Man that just hurt my feelings" we are to say something a long the lines of "Well I can see how that would feel that way to you, what can I do to help you?"

Last monday morning my oldest daughter Cadence was on the computer like normal while I was cooking breakfast. I kept stopping what I was doing to look at her and say "I love you too; honey". This went on for 10 minutes so I said "alright Katie lets do this." I walked over to Cadence and asked her "do you say I love you because you want me to hear this, or do you say it to me so you can hear it back?" To my surprise she stated she wanted to hear it back. "Honey, do you know I love you even if you don't hear it?" she shook her head NO...

My next step was big, it was the best step I had ever taken and it changed our relationship right then in there.

"Well Cadence, I can see how you would think that I don't love you. With all the yelling, my not telling you thank you enough, not telling you that your doing a great job all the time. I will do better with that, is there anything I can do for you to help?" Now this 6 year old looked in my eyes and smiled with the words "Nope you just told me what you're going to fix." LOL is all I could do and still do. When I walked away I felt so complete, knowing that the love that I do have for this wonderful person is coming across in every way.

I have taken the steps to use this daily with them and it has worked so much. Cadence didn't want to pick up toys she wanted to lay on the floor. Caitlin was picking up and Cadence was crying about that too. I explained to Cadence that what Caitlin was doing was Caitlin's business and that she really didn't want to help clean, she wanted to lay on the floor. I told her if your going to lay on the floor, don't cry about it enjoy it, love being on the floor, be the best at laying on the floor. I told her the moment she is laying on the floor and doesn't want to do that she needs to get up and do what her body wants her to do, that when we don't it doesn't make us happy to see we aren't doing what we want to do.

That child got up and started helping her sister :) We just have to talk, we just have to love, and we just have to say how do I want to be spoken to.